and a pumpkin turned into a bike!

Last year my brother raised a giant pumpkin. And by raised, I mean babied! The vine grew one 200 lb pumpkin and another 400 lb pumpkin! And while it grew so did an idea. An idea that would raise almost $3,000! A 9-year-old girl who lives up the street from us needed a bike, a very expensive bike. So my brother sold the seeds to raise funds. It's called Pumpkins For A Purpose and he hopes to support another family with this year's seeds!


Please look at this video of her testing it out! My brother is just following with his hand to guide and occasionally brake. All the power is hers!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud3vb56rh-g

I let my fingers loose on what my brain's saying today(sorry if it's choppy and unsequential)

What is sexuality. Yes that question ends in a period. Because that's how it sounds in my head, "What is sexuality." Very monotone. and it ends like that, I think, because it is so deep and so overwhelming that I cannot give it an emotional tone.

It seems like it's this force, this drive in our lives that we all possess. I have a mommy and a daddy...because they had sex. But that's probably not why they had sex, right? They had sex because their minds and bodies drove them crazy! They had this innate need for...shall we call it "stimulation"? and as a child I grew up, wanting to be a mommy...which means, in my child's-mind, I would need a husband to fall in love with. So as a child I wanted to have sex and didn't even know it.

I remember my mom giving me sex ed. "The semen attaches to the ovum and that grows into a baby." Well that didn't make a lot of sense..."How does it get there?" "The penis goes into the vagina." "............." That was disgusting. *choke* I though it just crawled out of the man, across the streets, and into the woman, but someone else's body part goes INSIDE MINE! That is sooo gross!

And then I grew up. This is not to say I've lost my virginity, no I think I still have that. But it is to say...I grew into some legit romantic feelings...and when I turned 18 I got a boyfriend..ya I know...very rebellious for the daughter of Southern Baptist parents. And that was..an experience. I definitely allowed myself to be manipulated into things I was definitely not mentally, emotionally, or spiritually prepared for. And if we hadn't broken up when I left for college I probably would be a ravaged spirit.

We all have our stories. We all have our sex. But where does it come from? And why does it rule us? Why do we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of? or ridiculed? Why is it supposedly "wrong to be gay". I guess I'm on two spectrum here....the conservative christian and leftist hippie. My life conflicts itself. I was raised to believe sex before marriage and homosexuality are wrong. But you know what? I have yet to find a place in the Bible that says, don't have sex till you are married. I'm not saying that I'm not saving my virginity..I'm honestly to scared to expose myself to sexual diseases...or pregnancy, or emotional attachment. I know myself too well. It would not be good. And I like the idea that it is a super rare and precious thing to do for someone to show that you have been thinking of them, and protecting them your entire life. But I don't think it's WRONG to have sex. Paul suggested we be single to serve God, but he also acknowledged that some people just can't do it and says they should marry...so how do you think he knew that? Christians were having sex, unwed! So have sex. But be smart. It comes with consequences and responsibility.

and homosexuality. I don't think it's a plea for attention...it's not like someone woke up one day at then end of their emotional rope and said, "I'm gonna be gay!" No. I believe it is a very real and very true inner struggle to figure out. And I'm done having a bad attitude toward people who are so alone in this inner battle. You can tell me you're gay. I'm not gonna bash you...or blush...or tell you your a sinner just for being gay. But I am gonna want you to be smart and to respect your body and not put it through hell. Please don't sleep around and expose yourself to life-sucking disease and emotional pain when you can still find someone out there who loves you and wants to be with you for life!

I still don't really know what sexuality is...I think I just don't want to limit myself to the Sunday school version anymore. I want to love everyone no matter where they are in life. I want to be a different kind of Christian. I don't want to be put in with the stereotyped conservative nutcase role. I want to love you because that's what we are here for and that is was Jesus is all about.

I love you.